Exodus 20:12

12          “Honor your father and mother, so that your days may be prolonged on the land which the Lord your God gives you.

The Fifth Commandment

This was always taught as a reminder to treat my parents with respect. The part about doing this so that we can live longer in God’s promised land was never highly focused. When you reflect on this command, are we solely taught to respect our parents so that we can live longer? This feels like it’s aggressive and evil in our modern context, but what did Moses mean by this?

REFLECTION CHECKPOINT: What does this command mean to you? How were you taught this?

Parents Are God’s Reflection, When Done Right

In ancient Israelite society, the family was the foundation of social and religious life. Honoring your parents was a reflection about a child honors God, as parents were considered representative of God’s authority. In the cultural context of the ancient Near East, having a long life was connected to divine favor and blessing. The promise of this is not about having a long life, but it’s about walking through times of stability and prosperity in the greater parts of life. The land referred to here is the Promised land, a reference to God’s faithfulness and the fulfillment of His promises. Keeping the land for the Israelites, was dependent upon their obedience to God’s laws. God is gifting them this land. It’s not earned by the Israelites’ works, but by God’s powerful will. It describes their present reality and a future promise, pointing to a spiritual hope of a restored creation.

There’s one part of this that stands out – keeping the Promised land available to the Israelites was dependent on how they obeyed God’s commands. For us, this points to the reality that we live more fully into God’s promises and faithfulness as we walk in God’s ways. God’s command listed here is to respond to your parents because they were to be a true representative of God to you. We must recognize that not everyone’s parents are true representations of God’s love and compassion. For some people, they can read this command and immediately be turned away because: “Why do I need to honor my parents if all they did was bully and abuse me?” It’s a valid question and one that requires careful consideration and responses. When we start to understand how a parent should act, then we can understand where respect and honor should lie, and Ephesians 6:4 describes that for us.

REFLECTION CHECKPOINT: Have you had any changes in how you understand this command?

Don’t Provoke, but Love

4             Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.  

To provoke describes actions that can lead to anger or resentment. Parental actions should be nurturing instead of authoritarian. The cultural context of the time sees fathers as the disciplinarian, but Paul is calling for a balance that avoids harshness and fosters a loving environment. Parents are called to nurture them, like a gardener cares for a plant, to make sure they grow strong and healthy. The disciplines taught should align with God’s principles. The instruction of the Lord refers to teaching God’s ways, commandments, and the Gospel

When parents are able to lead their kids through a nurturing environment, kids see a different reality than what the world is. It’s not a bad reality they see, but it’s one that it’s hard to prepare for. When you lead through love and compassion, you expect to see those around you share it with you. It’s the golden rule coming to life, right? However, many people did not receive the proper love and compassion from their parents that they needed. Their parents could have been abusive, over-bearing, dismissive, and more. Their parents could have been absent, and they were forced to live with different family members, the foster care system, or something else altogether. Honoring parents doesn’t mean we tolerate their abuse, keeping secrets, or shielding them from consequences. The most honoring thing that we can do for both them and you – is to set firm boundaries, tell the truth, and seek safety and healing.

All this is to say that how we are brought up makes a heavy impact on how we interact with those around us. It makes an impact on how we raise our own children. With pulling everything into context, we can learn how God is our Heavenly Father. God’s way of life, His commands, and His Gospel all come a non-authoritarian place. It comes from a place of attempting to get us to a place where we are strong and healthy. We are called to lean into God’s strength, for we cannot handle life on our own. We are called to lean into God’s wisdom, because our world has corrupted our hearts. We are called to trust in God’s wisdom, for it’s greater than our own. Our role models are supposed to be a representation of God’s authority. Let us honor those in our life that best represent God’s love to us, that encourage us, that cheer us on, that correct us along our journey through life.

REFLECTION CHECKPOINT: Who are your role models in life? How do they reflect God’s love to you?

Next part: More Than “Do Not Kill” || I Command You || Part 6