Introducing “Find a Friend”
It’s important that we do life with others. The reality of our world today pushes through the concept of individualism. The belief that we don’t need anyone else to find progress in life is something that is filled with struggle and anxiety. As a Christian, we are taught that we are not meant to live life by ourselves. Not only are we called to have a right relationship with God, but we are called to surround ourselves with people that will love us, care for us, encourage us, and correct us when we need it.
The goal of this series is to highlight important parts of friends, why we need friends and community, and how we can maintain these friendships in our society today.
In the Last Part
In the last part, we began our discuss with Genesis 2:18, focusing on the idea that even God saw it was not good for us to be alone. He created human life for a relationship with God and others, so that we can share a commitment to following God’s commands. It’s okay to have alone time when it’s used for growing our relationship with God and resting. However, it’s not okay to isolate yourself. We can work to be in community with people that can encourage us, cheer us on, correct us when needed, and love us through all steps of the way. We will find a helper (an ezer) that can help us out when needed. Our friendships can be full of give and take to ensure that we are showing up for each others.
Friends in All Seasons
In this part, we’re going to look like how are friends can be life-long companions. We’re landing in Proverbs 17:17. which says:
NASB – A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.
NRSVUE – A friend loves at all times, and kinsfolk are born to share adversity.
VOICE – A true friend loves regardless of the situation, and a real brother exists to share the tough times.
True friendship stays faithful through all of life’s highs and lows. A great example of this is through David and Jonathan, where Jonathan protected David at all costs (see 1 Samuel 18-20.) This type of self-sacrificial love reflects God’s promises to our relationship. God’s forgiveness is new every morning for us, which gives us a chance for restoration and transformation each day. Family is about helping when the trials of life exposes a need that we have. The author also looks beyond the bloodline to the faith filled support God gives to His followers. Jesus called many people His brothers, having entered human suffering to devliver and help those who trust Him.
REFLECTION CHECKPOINT: When you reflect on those around you, who comes to mind that expresses love and a courage to stay with you in all things?
Friends and Family Combo
One thing that I think will be important to focus on is what the author of Proverbs means by both “friend” and “brother.” I’ve heard conversations surrounding your chosen family, which is often close friends that treat you like a family should. I believe when it comes to having friends, we should find those that we can do life with.
A Friends Meal
A friend is the Hebrew noun rea’ (ray’-ah). It describes a person who stands next to another in life (a neighbor, friend, companion, or fellow). It embraces everything from a casual interaction to a deep, loving friendship. A friendship involves cooperation, focusing in on order and mutual trust. It also ensures that community are kept civil and safe, ensuring that each other’s property and personhood are respected. A friend holds no grudge, vengeance, or indifference against each other.
Rea’ describes an intimate friendship. It’s grounded as loyal, self-sacrificial, and grounded in truth. However, friendships like this can fall apart and end. They often cease as a result of lies, selfishness, and pride. The author of Proverbs show us, through this scroll, that right speech, integrity, and empathy protects the foundation of communal life. Jesus affirms this mindset of rea’ all throughout His ministry, as does Paul.
What does this mean for us? First things first, we must express love for all people in all places besides ourselves. As a Christian, we must remember that Jesus calls us to love our enemies. However, we must remember that the commands of God are not ones that non-believers should follow. The goal for believers is to act in a way that expresses the same self-sacrificial love that God shares with us. It’s going to be a counter-cultural feeling, but it’s one that we are called to live.
How do these relationships look? We share the truth, use our resources to create fairness, and protection the humanity of all people. Sharing the truth is one of the most loving acts we can do. We don’t have be blunt, rude, or prideful when it comes to this, but we share the truth of a situation with love and without judgment. This will involve intentional listening to their side of the situation and seeing how things play out. We also share our resources. The systems of the world are not created equal and often harm people of certain demographics and people in marginalized communities. If we have excess to share with others, we are called to make sure all people have their needs met in whatever way possible. We share in the goal of protecting humanity and autonomy. God created each of us uniquely and specifically, and nothing of the world should be able to change how that looks. We must continue to speak up and speak out against the systems that remove that autonomy and allow people the free will to live their life to the best of their ability. If doesn’t align with your way of life, that’s okay. However, we shouldn’t remove the choice for someone else to live their truth. God gifts us free will to follow Him, and we should interfere in the free will of others when it comes to living an equal life. The other main part of a friendship is loyalty. It’s a fragile thing to hold on to as I have learned this year. The loyalty is an important thing to see who is willing to walk alongside us through our lives. It’s something that’s is easily grown and easily broken. When that loyalty breaks, then relationships can be destroyed and irreconcilable. It’s about being patient when hardships arise, and working through them with an openness to hear the other side of the argument rather than pushing for problems to be solved and becoming defensive. Reconciliation is the goal, but it must happen with two people on one path.
REFLECTION CHECKPOINT: What does a friend look like for your life right now?
A Sibling Side
A brother is the Hebrew noun ach (awkh). It describes a brother in five different ways:
- A male born of the same parents or father
- A half-/step-brother
- A close relative or skins
- A countryman within a covenantal community
- An ally or friendly counterpart residing outside of Israel.
The stories of brothers give us a foundation of responsibility, sin, betrayal, reconciliation, and rivalry. The ultimate goal of a brotherhood is to live in harmony. It doesn’t have to mean a direct brother (like Cain and Abel), but towards a broader family member or a member of a close community. Brothers have a few obligations in the Old Testament, including canceling debts in the sabbatical year and providing no interest on loans, redeeming property, upholding their name and inheritance, providing equal standards, and protection.
What does it mean for us today? The goal of finding a chosen sibling like this is to pursue reconciliation. Close friendships should ultimately attempt to reconcile relationships. These relationships are often many years-long, built on top of a lot of mutual trials, celebrations, and achievements. These are people that came to mind that you think would never leave you or that you can never do life without. Sometimes, events happen that can create a greater dagger into these relationship and risk separating them. Christians are called to attempt to reconcile these friendships if safely possible. There are friendships that are separated because of abuse of all types or when autonomy is taken away. When your safety is in question, these friendships can mutually part without concern.
Another way these friendship are important is that we will bear each other’s burdens. Our world is full of things that create anxiety, depression, panic, and fear. We cannot carry the weight of these things by ourselves, even when we give it to God. We need people in our life to help carry the weight of these things. Someone who can remind us of the peace that we can find or how we can wrestle with our sadness. We have to make sure that this isn’t one-sided. We may trauma dump on to someone, but we need to make sure we receive the burdens of others to. Like I mentioned in Part 1, friendships are about shared mutuality. We need to ensure that we create equality within the friendship to make sure no one is carrying the weight more than others.
Another way these friendships are important protect ourselves against partiality and exploitation. We do not want friends that are just yes-people. An important friend will push back against things that can appear to create harm towards you or others. An important friend will help talk things through with you to ensure you’ve thought about everything. Surrounding yourself with people that just spread positivity towards you, does not create a path of growth. People offering correction, with love, are important to our lives.
REFLECTION CHECKPOINT: When you look at your friends, do you have anyone that comes to mind that you’d consider a brother or sister?
Let’s Wrap it Up
Today, we talked about a friendship that can last all our lives. Proverbs told us that friends should love us in all things and close friends can walk with us through adversity. Friends are people that can share the truth without judgment or fear, can provide resources when one person is in need, and remains loyal to that person through all of life’s highs and lows. A brother or sister – a close friend – are people that we can reconcile with, showing that no argument or hardship (within reason) can separate us. A close friend carries the burdens of life for someone, working to make sure that we have one that walks together through adversity. A close friend will also correct and guide with love, ensuring that you have thought things through in as many ways as possible.
Discover more from Bible Study Vibes
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.