Introducing “Find a Friend”
It’s important that we do life with others. The reality of our world today pushes through the concept of individualism. The belief that we don’t need anyone else to find progress in life is something that is filled with struggle and anxiety. As a Christian, we are taught that we are not meant to live life by ourselves. Not only are we called to have a right relationship with God, but we are called to surround ourselves with people that will love us, care for us, encourage us, and correct us when we need it.
The goal of this series is to highlight important parts of friends, why we need friends and community, and how we can maintain these friendships in our society today.
Loneliness is Not Good
We’re going to start our conversation in Genesis 2:18, which shows us what God has to say about friends.
NASB – Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”
NRSVUE – Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner.”
VOICE – It is not good for the man to be alone, so I will create a companion for him, a perfectly suited partner.
Yahweh is attentive to the needs of His creation. Adam had a relationship with God and had the authority over all creatures. Human life was designed for a relationship with God, relationships with others, relationships with our family, and a shared commitment to follow the commands of God. God created a woman from Adam’s side so that he can have a fitting partner. Their relationship is the foundation of marriage in their society – one man and one woman joined as one flesh in mutual service under God.
REFLECTION CHECKPOINT: What does it mean for us to find a helper for us? How can we see our helpers?
Helpful, but Not Ideal
Let’s break down what the author of Genesis meant by alone. Alone is the Hebrew noun bad (bahd). It describes the idea of being separated. On a wider biblical understanding, it encompasses both physical solitude and spiritual isolation. It can describe either the state of being physically alone or a deeper separation from God and others.
As we talked about with Genesis 2:18, we learn that God’s intention is for humans to be in relationship (grounded in the ancient understanding of marriage. Moses shows us that being alone can be a positive thing so that we can grow closer to God. Elijah saw his time alone filled with isolation and fear. In the New Testament, we learn how Jesus finds times to be alone so He could renew and focus on His relationship with God. We also find warnings about the dangers of isolation, showing how important and necessary community is for encouragement and accountability. Paul, despite being alone for a lot of his work, found a sense of spiritual companionship.
While being alone can be a place of spiritual growth and reflection, it’s not the ideal place for us to live. The Bible repeatedly tells us about the value of community and relationships. The experience of being alone can be a reminder for us that we are called to be dependent upon God. Christians are invited to grow closer to God so that we can find comfort and strength.
Overall, we should not pursue a life without another person to walk alongside us. While being alone can help us grow our relationship with God, being alone does not help us progress through life. Being alone with God is often an intentional set-aside time that we use to pray, study, and worship. Being alone away from others is often a place where we are struggling to socialize, needed to recover energy, or are suffering with depression and energy. I’ve been there, where it feels easier to isolate rather than be in community. However, it’s important to still check in. Even if it’s just for the common pleasantries, a lot of people would rather have a sign-of-life check than no check at all. Let’s ensure that we don’t shut everyone out of our lives. Let us find our people that will encourage and cheer us on. Let us find our people that will correct us when we need it, and that they will do it with love. Let us find people that will share the same love and compassion that we share with others. Jesus shares that the second greatest command is to love our neighbors that we love ourselves. If you struggle to love yourself, know that it’s a valid feeling and it’s a tough struggle to overcome. I believe Jesus recognized the struggle with our own self-worth and changed it up. We are called to love each other as He loves us. Love yourself as Christ loves you. Love your neighbor as Christ loves you.
REFLECTION CHECKPOINT: How has being alone affected your life? Do you view your moments alone as a positive or a negative experience?
Finding Your Helper
What is the helper that God talked about? How do we find a helper in our lives? The author of Genesis says that helper is the Hebrew word ‘ezer (ay’-zer). A helper is someone that can give assistance when needed, either by God or by a follow human being. It’s about providing strength supplied outside of what we can do ourselves. In Genesis 2:18, the helper is the woman who can give what the man alone provide. It’s not about one being inferior to the other, but it’s a place of mutual dependence. Dependence, either to God or to each other, is built in to the natural fabric of reality. Those who have received help are commanded to give it to others.
Now, this helper is often used to describe the basis of a marriage. However, why can’t this also be the grounded for quality friends? I’m not saying that we treat our friendships in a marriage/romantic way unless consent is given. I am saying that our friends should be grounded in some type of dependence and mutuality. The intensity of how this looks will very depending on the friendship type and your personal relationship with that person. Sometimes, we have friends that we’ll party with and know that no matter what – when one asks, the other accepts. Sometimes, we have friends that we’ll have deep conversations with without judgment. Whatever that looks like – you know there’s a friend that you can lean on to go through the highs and lows of life.
Sometimes though, things will come to a head. Things will blow up. Arguments will be had. Someone will not be there when the other person happens. You either work to reconcile the relationship or you end up with a non-existent relationship, either by choice or by unfortunate circumstances. How do you recover? It’s hard for me to tell you an answer. I’m working through that situation as we speak. The one thing I can tell you that I’m doing is leaning on God’s timing. Building friendships are hard. Building close friendships is even harder. One may not drop into your lap, but it can develop over time. With the right people, in the right ways, through God’s righteousness and provision. God will send your people to you. It may not be people you expect. The people I’ve meet over the past three years are not people I would have imagined ten years ago – but I am forever grateful for them.
REFLECTION CHECKPOINT: Look back over your current friendships. How do you see dependence present, much God an ‘ezer that God would bring?
Put It All Together
Today, we started our journey of finding our ‘ezer. Finding the helpers in our life that can walk through life with us. It’s not good for us to be alone, so God gifts us people in our life that are there to encourage us, love us, correct us, and motivate us through life’s ups and downs. Until next time, friends! Stay blessed!
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