Overcoming the Emptiness || Where the Hurt Lives #2

The Empty Feeling

Welcome back to “Where the Hurt Lives”. We’re taking an emotional look into what it means to grieve. This series came from my own unique grieving experience over the loss of an important friendship. In Part 1, we look at the emotional numbness of grief. We defined emotional numbness as: “a survival mechanism that clicks on when our nervous system is overwhelmed by intense emotion.” We also looked at Ecclesiastes 3:4 to talk about the duality of feeling the highs and lows of grief. The lamenting and crying we may go through, while also reflecting and celebrating the highs of the situations.

In Part 2, we’re looking at the empty feeling that grief causes. The hole that the loss of a friendship can cause can feel very massive as time goes on, and it can also become more manageable as time goes on. We’re going to land in Psalm 42:3-4, 9-11 to talk about what that emptiness is like.

REFLECTION CHECKPOINT: What type of emptiness has grieving left you with? Think about any situation that has left you feeling empty. What feelings does it bring up for you?

Let Down by Stability

3 I’m on a diet of tears – tears for breakfast, tears for supper. All day long people knock at my door, Pestering, “Where is this God of yours?”

4 These are the things I go over and over, emptying out the pockets of my life. I was always at the head of the worshiping crowd, right out in front, Leading them all, eager to arrive and worship, Shouting praises, singing thanksgiving – celebrating, all of us, God’s feast!

9 Sometimes I ask God, my rock-solid God, “Why did you let me down? Why I am walking around in tears, harassed by enemies?”

10 They’re out for the kill, these tormentors with their obscenities, Taunting day after day, “Where is this God of yours?”

11 Why are you down in the time dumps, dear soul? Why you are crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God – soon I’ll praising again. He puts a smile on my face. He’s my God.

For our conversation on emptiness, I want to focus on verse 9. The psalmist feels let down and distant. Like God has not protected them as He promises. There’s an emptiness that feels like it’s leading towards a place of isolation, grief, and depression. Where the numbness comes from feeling too much, this emptiness is a void. An empty vacuum of nothing being put in or coming out. It’s a purgatory – a place of stagnation, darkness, and separation – from both God and other people. How did the psalmist come out of it – through praise. Let’s get back to verse 9.

The Psalmist calls God their Rock, focusing on God’s strength, stability, and reliability. In biblical contexts, rocks were viewed as symbols of protection and refuge. The psalmist’s usage of “my Rock” indicates a personal relationship and trust in God’s dedication to them.

The psalmist feels as if God has left their relationship, which was a common feeling in the Psalms during times of troubles. In certain theological contexts, this can be viewed as a test of faith, where believers are called to trust in God’s promises despite the circumstances we’re in. To “walk around in tears” suggests a state of grief and distress. In the cultural context of ancient Israel, walking was a metaphor used to describe one’s way of life (think – “all walks of life”). The psalmist’s emotional state is not just a reaction, but a condition that impacts their daily life. The grief that the psalmist is feeling is coming from the “enemy” – the external pressure and adversities faced by the psalmist. Spiritually, this could be a representation of the psalmist’s struggle against sin and spiritual adversaries.

REFLECTION CHECKPOINT: What do you take away from the psalmist’s words in Verse 9? Do you connect with them? Do you feel disconnected with them?

Shortening The Distance

In moments of stress and grief, it’s normal, in my opinion, to feels that distance from God. To feel withdrawn from God’s goodness, because what is causing us grief may feel like a punishment for us. To think we did something wrong, to think we created this evil energy in the universe and this is God’s divine consequences. Honestly, it’s a valid feeling. However, we can’t stay in this mindset. Our grief can make things very difficult and uncomfortable for us, but we do not have to stay there.

I think that’s the thing that hung me up often. I don’t have to stay in my feelings of abandonment. When I was going through the hardships with my friend, I didn’t have anyone to turn to physically, and never had the energy to turn to God consistently. I felt alone. I was carrying the heaviest weights at this time of my life, and was never able to put them down for almost two months. I didn’t feel like I could have turned to anyone because of the indirect effects they could have potentially had. I guess this was the “pressure and adversities” coming on from my enemies. Granted, my enemies were not flesh and blood, but they were spiritual. They were intense anxiety, chronic stress, and bouts of depression. One that I felt like I just had to fight through those feelings.

The continuation of these griefs has permeated into my life today. The biggest area that I still see this active in my life right now is through reconnecting with other friends. The loss of this friendship scared me. I don’t want to be as vulnerable with anyone else anymore. I don’t want to share as much as I did before. Why? I’m afraid this will happen again. That I will lose another close friends, so it’s safer to go back out and make friends but only at a safe distance. At a space where friendships and relationships can be made, but they don’t have to go deep and emotional.

At this point, I need to remember what the psalmist says: “my rock-solid God.” A reminder that God will always be along me in different relationships that come and go. God, who knows all the intimate details of my life, both external and internal, is walking each step of my journey along side me. While I work to slowly rebuild the confidence to extend my vulnerability around different friends, God doing a work in me to help that along. I don’t know how long it will take. I don’t how how much effort will be needed. All I can be left with is the closing words of Verse 11: “…soon I’ll be praising again. He puts a smile on my face. He’s my God.”

REFLECTION CHECKPOINT: How have you dealt with the feelings of abandonment and emptiness? How have you worked to overcome those feelings? What coping mechanisms did you use?