Present Intentions || Where the Hurt Lives #5

Preparing for the Future Loss

Welcome back to “Where the Hurt Lives”. We’re taking an emotional look what it means to grieve, based on my own unique grieving experiencing over the loss of a past friendship. In Part 4, we looked at how regret can impact our grieving experience, using 2 Corinthians 7:10 as our foundation. Paul suggests that our grief should be aligned with God’s will. The word that Paul uses describes regret as a change of feeling that leads to a change of mind. Psychologically, regret is a negative cognitive or emotional state that involves blaming ourselves for a bad outcome, feeling a sense of loss or sorrow at what might have been, or wishing we could undo a previous choice that we made. Regret can create anxiety and panic loops, questioning any and all decisions that we made. It led me to question if I ever made the right decision.

For Part 5, we’re looking at the fear of future losses found in 1 Kings 19:1-4. Decisions that we make today can have a massive impact on how we think, and what we say and do. For me, I’ve felt anxiety that has spiraled from this decision. I’ve mentioned it before, but there is a fear of getting close to another friend due to a potential loss that comes with it. I don’t want to experience that hurt, pain, and panic ever again. Let’s see what our scripture has to say about it.

REFLECTION CHECKPOINT: Think of a decision that you made recently. Do you foresee it having a positive or a negative impact on your daily life? How so?

The Relief Of Death

1 Ahab reported to Jezebel everything that Elijah had done, including the massacre of the prophets.

2 Jezebel immediately sent a messenger to Elijah with her threat: “The gods will get you for this and I’ll get even with you! By this time tomorrow you’ll be as dead as any one of those prophets.”

3 When Elijah saw how things were, he ran for dear life to Beersheba, far in the south of Judah. He left his young servant there

4 and then went on into the desert another day’s journey. He came to a lone broom bush and collapsed in its shade, wanting in the worst way to be done with it it all – to just die: “Enough of this God! Take my life – I’m ready to join my ancestors in the grave!”

Elijah was completely terrified after Jezebel threatened him, and validly so. He ran off and instead of sitting through his emotions, he was ready to end it all. He wished for his own death. The emotions were too heavy for him to bear. The future was filled with dread, disaster, and in his situation, death. Let’s look at verse 4 more delicately to see Elijah’s emotions because he is dealing with heavy stuff.

(TW: we will talk about suicide and suicidal ideations. Please read with caution. Also I am not a therapist or a counselor. If you are experience feelings like this, please check out: https://988lifeline.org to find a help line near you. Please reach out! You are not alone in your battles!)

Elijah’s solitary journey shows how stressed he is and his hope to escape the threats from Jezebel. The area he went to was likely the Negev, which was a harsh and arid region. His goal was to flee, no matter where he want. The broom tree he finds rest under provided minimal shade, showing us his exhaustion to find respite whenever he can. Elijah’s stressed, exhausted, and now – prays for death. He is overwhelmed by his opposition and felt failure. He’s having a crisis of faith and a need for God’s reassurance.

Elijah says it plainly: “Enough of this God!” He’s at a breaking point and at the limit of his energy. We all have a breaking point, where we cannot handle our emotions any longer. Elijah needs divine intervention – to find a strength to carry him to tomorrow, to find hope to get out of bed, to find faith that things can get better. He’s giving this to God. Elijah feels inadequate and a failure when compared to the people that came before him. Jesus faced something similar in the Garden of Gethsemane. The difference is that Jesus fully submitted to God’s will. Elijah needs divine grace and assurance that God’s purpose will overcome human weakness.

REFLECTION CHECKPOINT: How would you feel if you were Elijah? Would you be at your breaking point, where death would be a relief more than anything?

Ground Yourself Into the Present

Elijah’s facing death. He is afraid of the death threat that he received from Jezebel. His fight-or-flight has to be on maximum overdrive. He flew away from his home, from his community to this dry and arid place. A place no one would want to stay, where no one would want to be. His body is in survival mode. His mind is hypervigilant, paying attention to his surroundings to see when and if Jezebel’s army’s would be there. He felt that death was coming for him, so he just wanted it himself. He lifts up this heavy burden and asked God to end him. Instead of staying in the fight, working through the stressful and difficult emotions, and praying for a faith to see him through to the other side – he was feeling suicidal ideations.

Suicide is a serious epidemic that is happening more now than ever before. People who have fought histories of addiction, abuse, rejection, depression, anxiety, and more have believed that the best way to overcome these feelings is to not feel them anymore. No one, ever, should be put in a place that the best relief they can find is death. The fears of life are real, even if they may not be life-threatening. The feelings of losing relationships, marriages, friendships, jobs, homes, kids, and more are valid. The job market is very difficult right now, especially with the rise of AI use replacing more administrative positions. Divorce is happening more due to differences in a relationship that wasn’t fully communicated when dating. Kids are growing up in unstable households, creating instability and fear in their lives. I could go on. However, this needs to be a wake-up call for us, for humanity.

Things need to change. We need more support for resources that creates paths of healing. Not just coping, not just things to get by, but true healing. To create a path of potential reconciliation or mutual respect. We need places that don’t invalidate the struggles that we are facing, but works to see how people can show up and what resources do you need to get by, both short-term and long-term. Our fears are not made to dominate our minds, our hearts, and our souls. We need more resources that allow us to process it, both personally and communally. We cannot allow our minds to be ran by fear, but on truth and reassurance.

Here’s where I have been in a rut as a result of this lost friendship. I’ve mentioned it throughout this series but I have felt legitimate fear about building new relationship. It has triggered my own fight or flight system when I start thinking (and overthinking) how I approach conversations, interactions, and more. The amount of overthinking that I’ve done regarding this has been both exhausting and frustrating. Relationships should not be managed by fear, but by love. The history is what it was, not where we are now. We learn from the history, to make it His story. How we progress? How do I progress? What does change look like? For me, it’s worrying about the chaos when the chaos comes about AND it’s making sure that I am intentional with what I say, think, and do. I’ve told myself that I can do this (build new friendships) over time. It doesn’t have to be immediate. It doesn’t have to be a replicate. It has to be based on genuine love, compassion, and mercy. It has to be real and authentic. The walls that we put that make us vulnerable can slowly come down the more we get to know each other.

Remember, God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control (2 Timothy 1:7)

REFLECTION CHECKPOINT: How can you not be afraid of the future? How can you trust your present moment, and ground yourself into any decisions that you will make for your future?