Welcome to Part 5 of our “Life is Worth Living” Bible study! This series is in honor of Suicide Awareness Month happening. I have found six stories in the Bible that talk about people asking God to die, wishing they would die, and the intense feelings that fall in between. I want to share their story and discuss how God can help us when we feel like they did. Some disclaimers before today’s blog begins:
- I AM NOT A THERAPIST, PSYCHOLOGIST, PSYCHIATRIST. I have an extensive knowledge of mental health understandings and biblical connections, and I want to share my own testimony and knowledge of how we can understand and wrestle with the topic of suicide from a theological perspective.
- IF YOU ARE STRUGGLING WITH SUICIDAL THOUGHTS OR IDEATIONS, please contact your local helpline or seek a trusted person/counselor to walk alongside you:
- You can call or text 988You can call 911
- You can reach the crisis text line by text at 741-741
- If you’re outside of the US, please check out this Wikipedia link for resources in your country: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines
In each part, I will provide a complete list of the people we’re talking about and where their stories can be found. I do this to provide transparency and a trigger warning for those sensitive to this topic. I will also begin to provide a 1-2 sentence synopsis of those parts for continuity purposes.
- Part 1: Judas (Matthew 27:3-8)
- Judas felt remorseful about his actions and was in a situation where even the church had turned their backs on him. However, God’s mercy is so vast that it can cover even the most significant mistakes. This story is a beacon of hope, reminding us that peace can be found in our struggles.
- Part 2: Job (Job 3:11, 20-22)
- Job, despite the immense grief he experienced due to the loss of his possessions and the death of his children, never turned his back on God. This story is a testament to the resilience that can be found in faith. It’s a reminder that no battle is lost with God guiding our path.
- Part 3: Moses (Numbers 11:10-17)
- Moses, overwhelmed by the burden he was carrying alone, was shown by God the importance of community. This story reminds us that we don’t have to carry our burdens alone. People and resources are available to help us; seeking them out is a sign of strength, not weakness.
- Part 4: Elijah (1 Kings 19:3-8)
- Elijah was worn out after intense spiritual battles that exhausted his physical strength and intense emotions. He was also running away from Jezebel and feared for his life. Elijah responded by taking a nap and getting some food and water. He could rest and replenish before God had him continue, showing us that it’s okay to stop and rest when we’re tired and overwhelmed.
- Part 5: Jonah (Jonah 4:3-10)
- Part 6: The Jailor (Acts 16:27-34)
Today’s passage takes us to the book of Jonah, where we hear his wish for death because God wants to care for those who treat others wrongly.
Jonah 4:3-10
| AMP | NLT | MSG |
| 3 Therefore now, O Lord, just take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live.” | 3 Just kill me now, Lord! I’d rather be dead than alive if what I predicted will not happen | 3 “So, God, if you won’t kill them, kill me! I’m better off dead!” |
| 4 Then the Lord said, “Do you have a good reason to be angry?” | 4 The Lord replied, “Is it right for you to be angry about this?” | 4 God said, “What do you have to be angry about?” |
| 5 Then Jonah went out of the city and sat east of it. There he made himself a shelter and sat under its shade so that he could see what would happen in the city. | 5 Then Jonah went out to the east side of the city and made a shelter to sit under as he waited to see what would happen to the city. | 5 But Jonah just left. He went out of the city to the east and sat down in a sulk. He put together a makeshift shelter of leafy branches and sat there in the shade to see what would happen to the city. |
| 6 So the Lord God prepared a plant and it grew up over Jonah, to be a shade over his head to spare him from discomfort. And Jonah was extremely happy about [the protection of] the plant | 6 And the Lord God arranged for a leafy plant to grow there, and soon it spread its broad leaves over Jonah’s head, shading him from the sun. This eased his discomfort, and Jonah was very grateful for the plant. | 6 God arranged for a broad-leafed tree to spring up. It grew over Jonah to cool him off and get him out of his angry sulk. Jonah was pleased and enjoyed the shade. Life was looking up. |
| 7 But God prepared a worm when morning dawned the next day, and it attacked the plant and it withered. | 7 But God also arranged for a worm! The next morning at dawn the worm ate through the stem of the plant so that it withered away. | 7-8 But then God sent a worm. By dawn of the next day, the worm had bored into the shade tree and it withered away. The sun came up and God sent a hot, blistering wind from the east. The sun beat down on Jonah’s head and he started to faint. He prayed to die: “I’m better off dead! |
| 8 When the sun came up God prepared a scorching east wind, and the sun beat down on Jonah’s head so that he fainted and he wished to die, and said, “It is better for me to die than to live.” | 8 And as the sun grew hot, God arranged for a scorching east wind to blow on Jonah. The sun beat down on his head until he grew faint and wished to die. “Death is certainly better than living like this!” he exclaimed. | |
| 9 Then God said to Jonah, “Do you have a good reason to be angry about [the loss of] the plant?” And he said, “I have a [very] good reason to be angry, angry enough to die!” | 9 Then God said to Jonah, “Is it right for you to be angry because the plant died?” “Yes,” Jonah retorted, “even angry enough to die!” | 9 Then God said to Jonah, “What right do you have to get angry about this shade tree?” Jonah said, “Plenty of right. It’s made me angry enough to die!” |
| 10 Then the Lord said, “You had compassion on the plant for which you did not work and which you did not cause to grow, which came up overnight and perished overnight. | 10 Then the Lord said, “You feel sorry about the plant, though you did nothing to put it there. It came quickly and died quickly. | 10 God said, “What’s this? How is it that you can change your feelings from pleasure to anger overnight about a mere shade tree that you did nothing to get? You neither planted nor watered it. It grew up one night and died the next night. |
Jonah ran from God’s task given to him. He was to deliver God’s message of destruction. After that, Jonah wanted to die because that destruction wouldn’t happen. He wanted to die because God was merciful to these sinful people. That same mercy is what rescued him from the inside of the fish. Jonah was excited to be saved then, but he was disgusted and wished for death when that mercy went to those that Jonah found despicable. Jonah was learning a valuable lesson here. It wasn’t only for Jonah or Israel; this mercy extends to all who repent their sins and believe in God. How many of us have felt upset and angry because those who harmed us are being forgiven and treated nicely? You know the truth, but they get royal treatment from those around you. How do you feel? Hurt? Angry? Disrespected? Disappointed? It’s not a fun time to wrestle with those emotions. Let’s continue Jonah’s story and reflection.
Jonah might have been more focused on his own reputation than God’s. He knew none of his warnings to Nineveh would happen if they repented. This would embarrass him and give glory to God. What’s more important? Your reputation or God’s representation. Sure, you wouldn’t want someone to hurt you to get loving treatment while you’re still wrestling with the hurt and the grief. However, at the end of the day, we are still human. We’re all flawed people trying to figure life out with and without God. We all deserve the right to be treated with love and respect. You can hate the person for what they did to you and what they stand for, but respect should still be given. You can hate the person for how they treated you, but love should still be given. We’re all God’s creation, and our perspective and agenda need to take second fiddle to what God has planned.
God ministered compassionately to Jonah just as he did with Nineveh and Israel, just like he does with us. God could have destroyed Jonah for his defiance and disobedience, but he gently taught him a lesson instead. If we obey God, we’ll be led to places of greater service. If we don’t, we’ll find his harsh judgments. Notice that the focus is on obeying or not obeying God. It’s not about ourselves or those around us. We often allow others and/or our situations to dictate our actions. We can go down the spiral and, after a spiral, try to make things right and feel that our grasp on righteousness and control is slipping away. That spiral can be so intense that it could lead to wanting us or self-harming. The idea is that God ministers with love, and we both receive that love and are called to reflect that love to the world. If we wish for others to suffer at the hands of their actions, we will suffer waiting for that to happen ourselves. God doesn’t allow that to happen to those who repent, which Nineveh did, and that frustrated Jonah. He had set his mind on Nineveh getting destroyed so that it not happening would be worse than death itself.
Jonah was so angry that he snapped at God for withering the shady plant. He wasn’t angry about what could’ve happened to Nineveh because, to him, it was just. Jonah failed to understand what the compassion of God is all about. Jonah cared more about a small plant that he had nothing to do with but could care less about why God would have mercy on a people and place he had created by his own hand. Jonah took God’s mercy on himself for granted and resented God for showing that same mercy to Nineveh. It is easy to focus more on our interests than the spiritual needs of those around us. We must have that same compassion for others that God has for all. It feels weird to think that Jonah would’ve possibly avoided his suicidal ideations if he had shared the same compassion that he received himself. It shows the toxicity of revenge and how it can flood our thoughts and actions, not letting it go until the person is destroyed or we destroy ourselves. Revenge is not a mindset to focus on. Treating others the way you were treated leads to a path of self-destruction. We need to treat others how we want to be treated, regardless of how we’re treated. I know this is a blanket and generalized statement, but I believe forms of this can exist.
Sometimes, we wish that judgment and destruction would come immediately upon those who do evil or hate God. God shows more mercy than we could ever imagine. The human side of us finds it difficult to understand how God’s heart operates. He feels compassion for those who want to be judged and devises a plan to bring those people into a relationship with him. God loves everyone, no matter how evil or cruel they are. He longs for everyone to give up their sinful ways and turn to him for eternal life. We must release that while we want vengeance for those who have hurt us. We need to release the control of wanting revenge and suffering, instead encouraging and praying for healing and comfort for both them and you. We need to heal the hurt internally that caused us to want to end our mortal life and wish for a healing process for those who hurt us so they don’t hurt others. We never have to interact with those people again, but it doesn’t mean we can’t encourage them from afar and pray that God will show Himself in their lives.
The words and conversation that we find in Jonah 4:3-10 show themselves in Job 6:8-9.
Job 6:8-9
| AMP | NLT | MSG |
| 8 “Oh that my request would come to pass, And that God would grant me the thing that I long for! | 8 “Oh, that I might have my request, that God would grant my desire. | 8-9 “All I want is an answer to one prayer, a last request to be honored: Let God step on me—squash me like a bug, and be done with me for good. |
| 9 “I wish that it would please God to crush me, That He would let loose His hand and cut me off. | 9 I wish he would crush me. I wish he would reach out his hand and kill me. |
In his grief, which we discussed in Part 2 of this series, Job was ready to be done with everything. He wanted to be freed from his discomfort and die. God didn’t kill him as he wanted. God had a greater plan for him. The idea is that, like Job, we’re often ready to give up and get when things get hard, uncomfortable, and difficult. Trusting God in the good is excellent, but trusting him during the difficult parts of our lives tests our limits and exercises our faith. In our struggles, trust that God is in control, and he will take care of you.
All of this with Jonah brought to mind one passage. One that reminds us of God’s vision and reminds us of how we can think, speak, and act in the middle of our suicidal thoughts and ideations.
John 3:16-17
16 “For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.
17 God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.
This core foundation of the ministry of Jesus is upside-down compared to the mindset of Jonah. Everyone is loved by God. No one is excluded. The love of God was shown in different ways in the Old Testament. Still, it’s ultimately shown through the sacrifice of Jesus so that everyone has a path to eternal life. We often leave the message there, though. To just love them because God loved us. This isn’t a bad message, so don’t get me wrong, but it’s not the entire message. Jesus was also sent into the world not to judge but to save. God is the ultimate judge, and we’ll have to answer that at the end of our mortal lives. The message of Jesus’ thought wasn’t judgment but salvation. It was about allowing a transformative change in one’s life that turns from a path of sin and self-destruction to a path of compassion, mercy, grace, and love. We don’t judge others if we are called to love like Jesus. We don’t judge others for their actions or their words. We can hold them accountable. We can judge their values and their morals, but we do not judge them. We can separate the two to ensure we are loving, graceful, merciful, and compassionate. We want these things for ourselves, which we can find through God, and we’ll find that these things are life-giving, not taking. How can we love as Jesus loved so we don’t die as Jesus did.
Part 6 wraps up our series, and we’ll be talking about the jailor in Acts who almost killed himself because he thought he failed. Until then, stay blessed.
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