Proverbs 15:1

[15] A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up  (NASB)

[15] A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. (NLT)

[15] A tender answer turns away rage, but a prickly reply spikes anger. (VOICE)

Arguing with someone who insists on answering softly or gently is equally difficult. On the other hand, a rising voice and harsh words almost always trigger an angry response. Turn away wrath and seek peace, choose quiet and gentle words. Now I am one that does not like arguing – partaking in it or hearing it. However, I have learned how to communicate during an argument. When I have been screamed at or sternly talked to, I breathe. I allow them to get it all out. I am quiet. I use short responses. I allow myself to retain what they have said, but I need time to work towards my response because I know I am an emotional person in the moment and can say something without realizing it. This way allows, in my opinion, for the person to recognize their own anger and bitterness and allow them a chance to calm down and reflect. We can then work towards reconciliation at that point. It’s a little passive aggressive, I know. However, it’s been a safe move for me. It’s been protective. It’s something that I have worked on, both to overcome and to healthily use my own skills in arguments. It’s a way to make sure that I remain calm in times of chaos.

Judges 8:1-3

[1] Then the men of Ephraim said to Gideon, “What is this thing that you have done to us, not calling upon us when you went to fight against Midian?” And they quarreled with him vehemently. [2] But he said to them, “What have I done now in comparison with you? Is the gleaning of the grapes of Ephraim not better than the vintage of Abiezer? [3] God has handed over to you the leaders of Midian, Oreb, and Zeeb; and what was I able to do in comparison with you?” Then their anger toward him subsided when he said that. (NASB)

[1] Then the people of Ephraim asked Gideon, “Why have you treated us this way? Why didn’t you send for us you first went out to fight the Midianites?” And they argued heatedly with Gideon. [2] But Gideon replied, “What have I accomplished compared to you? Aren’t even the leftover grapes of Ephraim’s harvest better than the entire crop of my little clan of Abiezer? [3] God gave you victory over Oreb and Zeeb, the commanders of the Midianite army. What have I accomplished compared to that?” When the men of Ephraim heard Gideon’s answer, their anger subsided.  (NLT)

[1] Ephraimites: Why did you treat us this way? Why didn’t you tell us you were going to battle against the Midianites so that we could join you? [2] Gideon: Really now, what have I accomplished in comparison to you? Wouldn’t you say that the gleanings left from Ephraim’s grapes are better quality than the choicest of Abiezer’s? [3] God has given the Midianite captains Oreb and Zeeb into your hands, and you have taken care of them. What have I and my 300 soldiers done compared to that? And they were calmed by this explanation.

Ephraim’s leaders felt left out because Gideon didn’t invite them to join the battle but were having to “clean up” the escaping Midianites. They were angry at this and confronted him. Gideon assured them that their own actions were greater than anything he did. They’re willing to “clean up” was much more important to Gideon that they did instead of being out on the battlefield with them. His political explanation pointed out that this rear guard had managed to capture the enemy’s generals, thus cutting off the leaders of the army.

Not everything we’re called to do is glamorous and popular, but it’s important. We may not feel it in the moment or in the short-term future, but there will be people who are grateful for what you can bring to the table for them and appreciative for the gifts and talents you have, even if it’s not in the moment. Much of the labor needed of any job or relationship is considered to be dirty, unfun work. This work is crucial to getting the bigger goals conducted and the big picture seen. We all need this kind of work wherever we are to make sure we function effectively, and our environment functions effectively.

Next slice of Manna: Manna for the Mind #221