Internal Unlearning of Generational Teachings || Boundaries of Your Sexuality || Part 1

Today marks the beginning of our 6-part Bible study, ‘Boundaries for Your Sexuality.’ This study is a crucial exploration of the concept of ‘sexual immorality’ as it is discussed in the New Testament and its relevance to our lives today. Yesterday, we delved into an in-depth study of the original Greek words and their meanings, the legal definitions of prostitution and pornography, and the perspectives of different mainline denominations on pornography. After this comprehensive discussion, I formulated two working definitions for ‘sexual immorality,’ one simple and one detailed. For the sake of continuity, I will be using the detailed definition throughout this series. I defined sexual immorality as:

Sexual immorality (explained): committing sexual acts or being nude with the intent to accomplish sexual satisfaction, obtain money, satisfy lustful desires, and/or obtain gratification with someone(s) in a noncommittal manner in a way that can involve a variety of forms of abuse, force, and/or inhumane treatment of those involved.

There are nuances to this definition. There are many “what-ifs” that come with this definition. It’s not foolproof, but it’s a foundation we can build upon to answer some of those loose ends throughout this series.

Part 1 starts our discussion with the words of Jesus in Matthew 15. He’s talking about the things that defile you. In this passage, Jesus is addressing the Pharisees and scribes who were criticizing his disciples for not following the tradition of washing hands before eating. Jesus uses this opportunity to teach about the true source of defilement.

Matthew 15:16-20

AMP	16 And He said, “Are you still so dull [and unable to put things together]? 17 Do you not understand that whatever goes into the mouth passes into the stomach, and is eliminated? 18 But whatever [word] comes out of the mouth comes from the heart, and this is what defiles and dishonors the man. 19 For out of the heart comes evil thoughts and plans, murders, adulteries, sexual immoralities, thefts, false testimonies, slanders (verbal abuse, irreverent speech, blaspheming). 20 These are things which defile and dishonor the man; but eating with [ceremonially] unwashed hands does not defile the man.”
NLT	16 “Don’t you understand yet?” Jesus asked. 17 “Anything you eat passes through the stomach and then goes into the sewer. 18 But the words you speak come from the heart – that’s what defiles you. 19 For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander. 20 These are what defile you. Eating with unwashed hands will never defile you.
MSG	16-20 Jesus replied, “You, too? Are you being willfully stupid? Don’t you know that anything that is swallowed works its way through the intestines and is finally defecated? But what comes out of the mouth gets its start in the heart. It’s from the heart that we vomit up evil arguments, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, lies, and cussing. That’s what pollutes. Eating or not eating certain foods, washing or not washing your hands – that’s neither here nor there.

Let’s look closer at the list Jesus mentions in verse 19 about what comes out of the heart:

• AMP:     evil thoughts and plans, murders, adulteries, sexual immoralities, thefts, false testimonies, and slanders.
• NLT:      evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander
• MSG:    evil arguments, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, lies, and cussing.

What do these things have in common? I see impure emotions and desires that take advantage of someone else. Evil thoughts are often towards someone who may (or may not) have done something to harm us. Adultery is caving into the lustful desires to unintentionally (or intentionally) ruin a relationship. Sexual immorality is surrendering our own sexual boundaries to allow the desires of sex to rule, even if just for a moment. Some impure emotions and desires take advantage of yourself or someone else.

We work hard to keep our outward appearance up-to-date, but what’s deep in our hearts – where others can’t see – is more important to God. What we show to others matters, but is what we’re showing genuine and authentic, or is it fake and pleasing to others? That’s how social media can sometimes be so damaging because we’re subject to what others post. They often post positive and good things. Social media is flooded with success stories and results of success, and we don’t see the hardships someone went through or the mental distress that it took them to get there. We don’t showcase that because we fear the judgment and vulnerability that comes with it. How often do we share stories of our impure thinking and desires, and how did God help us move past this? How often do we share the concerns of the direction of our thoughts and ask for God to put some people in our path to help us overcome them?

When we become followers of Jesus, the Holy Spirit makes us attractive. We no longer focus on someone’s new car but on their compassion. We don’t focus on their new house but on their hospitality. We don’t focus on their social life but on their servanthood. When God’s Spirit takes up residency in our hearts, we experience an inside-out transformation. There’s something attractive about someone that shows the love and grace of God. As his transformative work happens within us, we’ll find fewer and fewer foul, offensive, hurtful words or actions come out of us as we become more and more like God.

When it comes to sexual relationships, are you focused on the physical side of the person or the emotional side of the person? Are you reacting to your sexual thoughts and desires immediately, or are you surrendering them to God? Are you immediately committing sexual acts to yourself or others, or, again, are you surrendering them to God? These are good questions to really take into consideration when it comes to your sexual identity. I’m not condemning whatever your sexual orientation is. Whatever your sexual orientation or gender identity is, I want you to make sure whatever relationship you may have or whatever sexual acts you plan on committing is something that’s going to honor God and is NOT something that is going to be a short-term high that caves to your emotional, sexual desires.

Think about the words Paul says in his first letter to the Corinthians.

1 Corinthians 5:10-11

AMP	10 not meaning the immoral people of this world, or the greedy ones and swindlers, for then you would have to get out of the world and human society altogether! 11 But actually, I have written to you not to associate with any so-called [Christian] brother if he is sexually immoral, or greedy, or is an idolator [devoted to anything that takes the place of God], or is a reviler [who insults or slanders or otherwise verbally abuses others], or is a drunkard or a swindler – you must not so much as eat with such a person.
NLT	10 But I wasn’t talking about unbelievers who indulge in sexual sin, or are greedy, or cheat people, or worship idols. You would have to leave this world to avoid people like that. 11 I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people.
MSG	10-11 I didn’t mean that should have nothing to do with outsiders of that sort. Or with criminals, whether blue- or white-collar. Or with spiritual phonies, for that matter. You’d have to leave the world entirely to do that! But I am saying that you shouldn’t act as if everything is just fine when a friend who claims to be a Christ is promiscuous or crooked, is flip with God or rude to friends, gets drunk or becomes greedy and predatory. You can’t just go along with this, treating it as acceptable behavior.

One major thing sticks out to me: Paul says that we should not associate with CHRISTIANS who are sexually immoral. Those who aren’t Christian but are committing sexually immoral acts are fine to interact with. Still, we should be aware of not getting sucked into their sexually immoral lifestyle. The sexual immorality Paul’s referring to here is something that’s both inhumane and selfish. Think about what it means for that to be connected to greed, idolatry, abuse, cheating, and drinking. People are taking what they want regardless of how it affects others or how they treat others. Our sexual relationships should never be of selfish desire, abuse, or domination towards the other person(s), even if those relationships are virtual. Most of the denominational views of pornography are slanted towards avoiding/not participating in viewing sexual acts that are violent, dominating, and overpowering. The intimacy that comes from a sexual relationship should be mutually communicated, compassionate, and loving.

Again, Paul clarifies that we shouldn’t disassociate ourselves from unbelievers. If we do, we can’t carry out Jesus’ command of the Great Commission. We are to distance ourselves from those who claim to be Christians yet intentionally indulge in sins that are explicitly forbidden in Scripture and rationalize their actions. This brings up a false teaching mindset. Doing something that Scripture says no to but justifying is allowed for various reasons. (Marc, isn’t that what you’re doing here?) Yes and no. Some things in the Bible directly affected the intended audience but do not apply to me because of the time and cultural differences. However, the underlying reasons behind what was said do apply because we can take the meaning of a ruleset without having to apply the ruleset itself.

Making excuses for sin harms others that Christ died for and dims the image of God in those who commit the sin. A church that willingly includes such people is hardly fit to be the light of the world. It’s not saying to exclude people who sin. The church would be empty if that was the case. It’s not saying to exclude people who sin but have repented for their sins and turned their lives over to following Christ. That’s the mission of Jesus happening. It’s to be aware of those who intentionally commit a sin, don’t repent, and justify the reason for doing so. Having them involved in the church’s leadership can negatively affect the direction of the church and lead to the dimming of the light of Christ. Allowing intentional sinful behavior to lead a church distorts the mission and picture of who Christ is. With sexual immorality, are you listening to church leaders who have cheated on their spouses and justified their reasoning with it? Are you listening to a leader who watches abusive pornography and teaches about the “submission” of wives to their husbands? Are you listening to leaders who have had sexual relationships with a minor preach on purity? Again, in my opinion, if they’ve repented for it wholeheartedly, then it’s a different story. If they didn’t, be prepared for their light to go out.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10:

AMP	9 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom or have any share in the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate [by perversion], nor those who participate in homosexuality, 10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers [whose words are used as weapons to abuse, insult, humiliate, intimidate, or slander], nor swindlers will inherit or have any share in the kingdom of God.
NLT	9 Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, 10 or are thieves, greedy people, abusive, or cheat people – none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God.
MSG	9-10 Don’t you realize that this is not the way to live? Unjust people who don’t care about God will not be joining in his kingdom. Those who use and abuse each other, use and abuse sex, use and abuse the earth and everything in it, don’t qualify as citizens in God’s kingdom.

People who do wrong will not receive // gain entry // be a part of the Kingdom of God. This includes those who are sexually immoral, idolaters, adulterers, male prostitutes, homosexuals, thieves, greedy people, drunkards, abusers, and cheaters. What a list? Granted, I’m not fully educated on the cultural norms of homosexuality in both the Old and New Testaments. What I do know is this: Homosexuality was heavily punished because it was considered a slap in the face to the Israelite culture, for it intentionally did not continue the family lineages of those involved, which was heavily valued. With Paul’s increased focus on growing the Kingdom of God as fast as possible (because he believed Jesus would return in his lifetime), I’m assuming he carries a similar value to them.

Again, what does this group have in common? The main thing I see is selfishness. Here, me out! If we take Paul’s value of family lineages seriously and that homosexuality was viewed as selfish behavior because it intentionally stopped the continuation of family lines, then everything listed can follow that same line of thinking. It’s people acting on their thoughts and desires to obtain what they want regardless of the sanctity of human rights, the laws, or anything in between.

“Male prostitutes” refer to those who practice homosexuality. The Bible talks about homosexual sexual behavior as a sin and that those who call themselves Christians must follow what the Bible says because Jesus urged us to obey God’s word. However, it’s important to recognize that homosexuality was often against the written laws of the Jewish culture and that it was looked down upon because pagan religions and cultures were committing the act. In our culture, homosexuality is very commonplace as many individuals aren’t looking to have families due to various circumstances, and more people are leaning towards adoption to help give kids in the agencies a healthy family community. However, some churches and denominations are still focused on the mainline teaching that stems from the ancient Jewish and Israelite culture that keeps the focus on a typical male-female household.

Whether in a heterosexual lifestyle, homosexual lifestyle, or any lifestyle that falls in between the spectrum, we are all made in the image of God; we all need forgiveness and inner transformation through the power of God’s Holy Spirit. We should be teaching proper sexual education and boundaries, the risks of engaging in sexual acts at a young age or in a noncommittal manner, and the effects of what happens if one commits those acts. We should be working with agencies to help provide proper resources to parents and children. We should be lessening the gatekeeping restrictions on adoptions for those wanting to do so while enhancing the screening process to make those interested both physically and mentally prepared. There are a lot of things that can make sexuality universally understood, including understanding the languages, mentalities, and more for those in homosexual lifestyles to help us understand why they choose the lifestyle they’re in. A lot of education and grace is needed in the church today. The church should be a haven of forgiveness and healing for those wanting a relationship with Christ, who have been hurt by fellow Christians and those around them, and who desire to experience what it’s like to follow Christ. Someone who is homosexual or experiences same-sex attraction, as I hear more churches call it nowadays (just gives an ick, to be honest), can love as Jesus loved, can share compassion as Jesus shared, can forgive as Jesus forgave, and be a Christian as Jesus taught.

Overall, a lot of what I see from Christians regarding the homosexual lifestyle is a failure to understand why. If we become a community of people who listen,  we will find that we have the same goals, dreams, and desires. We have different ways of getting there, but the end goal remains the same. Yes, the Bible mentions condemning homosexuals, but if we realize and understand that it came from a source of cultural negativity and dated traditions, we can move forward to looking at marriages, romantic relationships, sexual acts, and more from a universal perspective and less from a judgmental perspective. All that should be filled with passion, consent, love, romance, happiness, and the list could go on and on.

Let’s wrap that up for now. We have five more parts of this series to go, and this part felt like a great foundation to build on. This covered a lot, from homosexuality and how we can be inclusive in religious communities today, being discerning of those who commit sexually immoral acts and justify them, and how we can focus less on the physical side of our sexual desires and start viewing things how God views them. Part 2 takes us into the book of Acts and continues connecting sexual immorality with the Levitical law. Until then, stay blessed!