Matthew 5:28

28         but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her already committed adultery with her in his heart.

You Have Heard It Said

14         You shall not commit adultery.

This is another one that Jesus states the original commandment is valid. You should not violate the marriage covenant of another person. Jesus deepens it by saying that no one should look at a woman with lust. Jesus warns against look at another person with possessive, objectifying desire. Jesus, again, attacks the heart posture behind the command. We need to not look at others, specifically spouses, with an intense desire to have them for ourselves.

REFLECTION CHECKPOINT: How do you avoid looking at others with lust?

Lusting After Objects

The focus of Jesus’s teaching here is on the act of looking. In the cultural context of the time, this act was associated with intent and desire. In patriarchal societies, woman were often seen as objects of desire. Jesus is challenging the perceptions of woman by addressing the internal motivations of the heart. Lust is described as a strong desire or craving, often connected with sexual desire. It’s viewed as a sin because if objectifies individuals and moves away from God’s original design for human relationships.

Jesus says that lusting in this capacity is as if one has committed adultery. Adultery was a serious offense, punishable by death. By connecting the two, Jesus is elevating the standard of righteousness. He’s encouraging us to focus on the heart condition instead of the outward action. The heart was viewed as the center of thought, emotion, and will in biblical terms. Jesus shows that sin is not just the action, but the internal thoughts and desires.

REFLECTION CHECKPOINT: How do you understand the differences between lust and attraction?

Lust vs. Attraction and Romanticism

Conversations around lust are always hard for me to have. Not because of my own struggles with it, but because it’s hard to quantify what lust is versus what it means to be attracted to someone or what it means to even just like someone in a romantic relationship. These terms can be very subjective and can mean different things from person to person. So, let’s work this out.

Let’s break down what it means to think about lust, attraction, and romantic interest. Lust is mostly about sexual desire. Attraction is a broader pull towards someone. Romantic interest is about wanting emotional closeness and a relationship with them. Lust will say: “I want physical contact with this person and only this person.” Attraction will say: “I’m drawn to this person.” Romantic interest will say: “I want to date them, know them deeply, and build something meaning.”

The important thing to remember, and the thing that Jesus was originally trying to call out, is that we must not view people as objects. When it comes to lust, it’s an ultimate focus of: “How can this person satisfy my desires?” It’s a thought-spiral to figure out how we can best let that happen regardless of the circumstances. It’s a mindset, in my opinion, that says: “I will get what I want, how I want, regardless of who I hurt.” We need to avoid that.

We need to move away from that intense passion to get what we want. When desire is healthy, it should be expressed through mutuality, consent, and ethical care.. The fact that we often want to satisfy our sexual desires through sinful means doesn’t lead down the path that God intended. God wants us to find ways to do that honors Him and the values that He set for us. God wants us to lead with consent. Consent is essential, but Jesus is calling us to look at our inner intentions that shape how we see people. God doesn’t want sex to be a moment of shame, but a moment of love, compassion, and health desire.

People have sexual desires. God designed us that way with the intention to “be fruitful and multiply.” It’s healthy to talk about them honestly. It’s healthy to make sure the people involved are at a mutual understanding of boundaries, consents, and abilities. It’s healthy to check in and make sure everyone is still enjoying themselves, and to stop once the first “no” comes in. It doesn’t always have to be for procreation, but to have a close, intimate way to solidify and build a relationship with a person that you’d expect to be with for the long haul.

That’s also an important thing (I won’t go into it much) but I personally believe that sex should only happen between people in a romantic relationship that expect it to last over a long period of time. The short-term one-night stands or the drunk walks home to an ex or a hookup, or anything in between – those need to be very minimal, leading to non-existent. They happen when we want to chase our desires and lust after everything and everyone, we see. Inhibitions are down due to substances, stress, or something else. We must take our sexual desires seriously and use them in ways that honor the mutuality, dignity, and consent that God intends for human relationships.

REFLECTION CHECKPOINT: How does this change your perspective on lust and sexual desire?