Matthew 10:37

37         The one who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of me; and the one who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.

You Have Heard It Said

12         Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be prolonged on the land which the Lord your God gives you.

When I first see these verses together, it’s confusing. God says to honor our parents, but Jesus says that if we love our parents more than Him, we’re not worthy of Him. How does this work? The more I sit with these verses, the more I believe that Jesus is teaching us the way to honor our parents – through the love of our divine Father. When we can understand the true love of the one that created us, we can learn to honor the ones that gave us our earthy life.

REFLECTION CHECKPOINT: How do you interpret what Jesus means in related to the fifth commandment?

Early Parent/Child Dynamics

In the cultural context of first-century Judea, family ties were important. Being loyal to your family was a deeply ingrained value. Jesus challenges this, showing that our devotion to Him must be greater than any relationship we have on earth. This was part of the radical nature how Jesus preached. When our loyalty to our parents overrides loyalty to Jesus, we are not living as His disciples. Worthiness is connected to being a true disciple. It’s not about earning salvation but being willing to fully commit to Jesus’ teachings and mission. It’s a reminder that we must reorder our priorities so that we can have Jesus as the focus. To be called worthy means that we live in a way that reflects the values and mission of Christ.

This goes beyond the immediate relationship with our guardians to include our children. In the ancient Jewish culture, children were seen as a blessing and a continuation of one’s lineage and legacy. A parent’s love for their child is natural and profound, yet Jesus says that our live for Him must go beyond our love for our children. Jesus also says that our love for our children must not take precedence over our allegiance to Him. Jesus often talks about how we must be willing to drop everything to follow God’s command and mission. To be called worth means that we live a life of radical commitment and transformation in Christ.

REFLECTION CHECKPOINT: How do you see the path to honor our parents in what Jesus mentions here?

Loyal to God First

Let’s be clear. This is not a call to neglect our family. This is not a message to go out and abandon our loved ones. Jesus does not authorize abuse, abandonment or emotional coercion; He calls us to a deeper loyalty that can actually make healthier love possible. This is a reminder that our ultimate love should be for Christ first. When we commit our lives to God, we will have a clearer framework for navigating earthly relationships. Whether that be our parents, children, our spouse, our friends, or even the stranger we pass – our relationships are founded on the teachings and commands of Christ.

What I walk away with from this passage is that our love of God must carryforward to our parents. We love them because they were the ones that God blessed to give us life. God created us created and knit us together in the womb, and our parents participated in bringing us into the world. Our mother carried us for nine months as God was knitting our cells together. Our mother’s body went through many changes, which God designed, to accommodate our birth. Things along this nature are reasons that we can honor our mother (and our father).

Now, this can be hard for people. While they were birthed, their parents did not act like loving parents. Children were abused, neglected, and abandoned. Parents focused more on themselves instead of caring for their children at home. Children were forced to mature early and care for their siblings. There are many facets that people cannot honor their parents. They have to create safe boundaries and circumstances to navigate how to manage those relationships. This is why, I believe, Jesus reminds that us we need to focus on God first, then our parents. We have a heavenly Father that created us inside and out. Our heavenly Father knows what skills and talents we have, what plans He has for using those gifts and talents in the world, and will create a path for us to use those effectively. Even when we stray from the path, God will lovingly guide us back to that path, and give us the strength to continue moving forward.

REFLECTION CHECKPOINT: How can you honor the people who raised you, or set healthy boundaries where honor is not safe or possible?